Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Torture Devices of the 21st Century

As humans we sometimes have bizarre tendencies. We expose ourselves to modern day torture without even realizing it. And sometimes we inflict torture on others for the amusement. Either way, for the sake of this article I will call it Torture Devices of the 21st Century!

First ladies, we have the epilator! I’m mean please, who the heck invented that??? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a man. For those ladies who really don’t know what an epilator is it is a simple and harmless looking device that inflicts extreme pain by plucking several hairs at one time! It is more painful than waxing or threading, trust me. Don’t be deceived by the pretty pink or purple epilators that are small and comfortable to hold in the hand, because once you turn that little devil on all you feel like doing is throwing it against the wall!

Another torture device is the Run Away Alarm Clock! While ingenious for the lazy bums who don’t wanna wake up in the morning, it poses a problem because it actually flies or runs away so you can’t hit the snooze button. The problem I foresee with such a device is that you may get so annoyed with the sound and in your sleepiness go after it and hit it too hard! It’s another one of those devices you wanna throw against the wall. At the rate we’re going we may need foam padded walls for protection!

This next device I must advise all ladies to do their best to stay away from… The Electric Shock 4-Player Game or the Shocking Roulette. This is the silliest device yet, where a player willingly risks being shocked if she/he is the last to press a button. It is a game of reflex. I once made the horrible mistake of buying this as a gift for my husband because he once mentioned how awesome it would be to have one. Once he had it, I was forced to play it with him and his friends ;) Not something I had anticipated, but certainly an experience.

This next device is one you can use to torture friends and family! The iPhone now has apps such as the iFart and iBurp with sneak attack modes that allow you to set a timer and leave your phone hidden near someone or under a chair and wait for it to go off, embarrassing the person nearby. This is generally not something ladies are into but it can be a lot of fun! Other apps like Annoy-A-Teen and Teen Torture are designed to emit a high-pitched frequency that only teenagers can hear. This is pretty useful when you need to get rid of rowdy teens in a restaurant or shop.

Lastly, we have a device so evil and so cunning that you have to have a pretty strong will impervious to feeling guilty. I give you none other than the EvilTron from ThinkGeek.com. This tiny device has a choice of 6 creepy sounds perfect for scaring or annoying your friends or colleagues. Just hide the tiny device in a dark place and watch the chaos begin as they frantically search for the source of the sounds. What I like most about this device is that when they find out that it is was a prank, no one would ever suspect a lady of doing it, allowing you to get away with just about anything!


Vic said...

Ugh... scary. Next time something weird and inexplicable occurs, I know who to look for... =p

d'Lion said...

Welcome back to blogging.

HEy Vic u r rite :-P

Sarah Bristol said...

LOL.... i would never do that to you guys >) Trust me!